On Self Worth

Am I worthy of these people? Will they notice that I'm a fundamentally flawed person?

We have all wondered about these questions before and had our fair share of doubts about our worth in this world and our social circles. This internalized feeling of shame is buried deep within us. But where is that feeling actually coming from?

IT ALL GOES DOWN TO TOXIC SHAME

Toxic shame is a deeply held belief that you are in some way not good enough. That you are unworthy of love, flawed, or downright plain bad.

Toxic shame and social anxiety share an obvious link in that they both cause us to hide. And I mean hiding in both senses, physically and mentally. You might go to lengthy extents as to want to avoid social situations with the potential for embarrassment, which eventually turns to become almost any social situation. Mentally, you would not want other people to know what you think or how you feel because you think it is wrong or bad. You then stop giving your opinions on whatever topic others are discussing and you stop being your true self altogether because being in that state makes you extremely self-conscious.

All of this tends to turn every social interaction into a test.

The most damaging symptom of toxic shame is a vague feeling of unease, one that you can not quite put a finger on it, and sometimes you don't even notice it, but it is always there. And this is what makes it so destructive.

This feeling does not care if you are outwardly successful. It does not care if you have a great career or a great family or a great circle of wonderful friends. It will still make you feel not good enough. Like you are a failure. So until you take the time to unpack it and know where it is coming from to resolve the issues, it will be very difficult for you to truly be happy.