On FOMO

Most of us at some point have had that feeling of missing out on so many life experiences, that others are out there having more fun, living better lives, and experiencing better things than we are. Fear of missing out or, FOMO in short, is our emotional response to that belief or perception that others are having it better. That there are probably more satisfying lives for us out there, and that we are sitting here while there could be so many important opportunities being missed.

Typically that feeling often comes accompanied by a deep sense of unease, envy, and dissatisfaction that can often end up leaving us depressed and going through a ton of stressful and overwhelming emotions.

As human beings, it is only natural for us to feel the need for interpersonal relationships and want to belong to something greater than ourselves, this is where FOMO originates from, our innate desire for social connection and belonging. And whenever we feel a lack of these types of connections it can cause us emotional and physical distress and also have effects on our self-esteem.

It’s a pretty deep-seated urge, but if we peel back the layers we will find out that at the core of FOMO is often a phenomenon called social comparison. Science tells us that we have been comparing ourselves to others since the earliest days of our species and any situation where you find yourself feeling "less-than" compared to someone more than likely has the potential to conjure up insecurity.

It happens to be a lot easier to hold yourself up to everyone else now, with social media, like anything else, we're always set to notice what is wrong and why we are not keeping up. FOMO is not exclusive to social media, but browsing social media sets us up for experiencing it, especially when we see other social media users' highlight reels, we often experience it on a higher level. Before social media, people would hang out with one another and we would not know. Now we know every time we are not included and that can sting.

Oftentimes we find ourselves conflicted when trying to make a decision, which ends up putting us into sort of a decision paralysis that is mostly compounded by two universal emotions: FOMO, the fear of missing out, and FOBO, the fear of better options.

The only way to deal is to silence the FOMO and embrace the JOMO!

JOMO is short for Joy Of Missing Out, which is the opposite of FOMO. Rather than being fully present where we currently are, we tend to set our gaze on what others are doing, and that is what FOMO advocates for, while on the other hand, JOMO focuses on being in the present moment and being grateful for what is happening currently; both of which are positively associated with well-being.

It’s not specifically about feeling joy all the time, so much as it is a powerful shift in the mindset. Instead of fighting to be present, we are intentionally and actively choosing things that we find to be fulfilling, and as a result, we experience a sense of acceptance of what we don't have at that moment which can lead to a feeling of satisfaction over our current situation in life.

So, if we all feel it, and we all do it, why do we keep plugging in? Is there any benefit to the feelings FOMO produces?

"One important distinction is whether you're afraid of missing out on something or actually missing out on something. And, then what you do next. If missing out spurs you to act, it can become a catalyst to meet new people, connect with other professionals, and get you out of your comfort zone"

In general, indulging in making a decision about whether your FOMO is working in our favor or against it has more negative effects than positive ones. Learning to appreciate your gut feeling instead of feeling sick to your stomach is not always an easy thing to do, but here are a few tips that might help you overcome the overwhelming sense of FOMO you get from time to time:

• Stop multitasking and only focus on the experience of whatever you are doing in the present moment.

• Take deep breaths and focus on the process of your breathing because if you are truly focused on your breath, there is nowhere else for your mind to go.

• Practicing gratitude by taking time to note all the things you are grateful for can help you focus on what 'is' rather than what 'could be.

• Ground yourself, use your senses, and practice meditation and mindfulness.

• Look into someone's eyes because even though we're having conversations with people on a daily basis, we rarely look one another in the eyes.

• Go for a walk, sometimes using your physical body to be in your present environment can be hugely connecting to the here and now.

We can't be immune to the feeling that we are missing out on life all the time, but we can keep it as a reminder that whatever we miss out on is certainly an opportunity to gain more out of some other opportunity that was meant for us in the best way possible.